Dear Tech Support

dear tech support

It is now December 2003 and I was contacted by Shanta about this poem. It seems she never knew that it was freely circulated in newsgroups without giving her credit as the author. I got this originally on January 28/2000. Shanta also mentioned that the wording had been changed. So here is the original wording directly from the author. Please also check out her website.


originally posted on old site on February 6/2000

© by Shanta Acharya

Last year I upgraded Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a distinct slowdown in the performance
of the flower, jewellery and other network applications
that had operated flawlessly in the Boyfriend system.

Husband 1.0 has un-installed valuable programmes,
such as Romance 9.0, Night-out 6.0, Real Passion 10.0,
and automatically installed many undesirable programmes –
Cricket 5.0, Football 8.0 and News Eternal 9.0.
The Conversation programme no longer runs as before,
and House cleaning 4.0 simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running the latest Nagging software,
adding a new welcome screen to our favourite settings;
examined all my folders, searched his documents
for evidence of infected files or commands
corrupting the Passion programme,
creative play centres and other functions.

The Husband 1.0 system has acquired a mind of its own.
It changes font colour when I paste kisses on it, where as
the Boyfriend system had positively puffed with satisfaction.
The outlook for messenger services has deteriorated,
access to weekly live-updates no longer excel
in their power and are never to the point.

I have viewed the automatic image utility function,
zooming in on dates and times of malfunctioning,
cross-referencing every word or programme
inserted, deleted; but cannot find any rhyme or reason.

What help can you provide, dear Tech Support, in restoring
Husband 1.0 to the default configuration of Boyfriend 5.0?



Be realistic and not too critical, bear in mind
that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package
but Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
A whole new concept; they cannot be compared.

Try to enter the command C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME
when you switch Husband 1.0 on next, then install Tears 6.6.
Husband 1.0 should automatically run the following applications:
Guilt 7.0, Flowers 5.0, Dinner-at-your-favourite-restaurant 3.0.
But remember, overuse of this application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.0 or Happy Hour 4.0.

Note that Drinking Beer 6.0 is a disruptive programme,
generating Snoring Loudly files. DO NOT install
Mother-In-Law or another Boyfriend programme.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
No amount of rebooting or repair can then restore the system.

It could also trigger Husband 1.0 to default to programme
Girlfriend 10.0 that runs dormant in the background.
It has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses
into the operating system. Husband 1.0 is a great programme,
but comes with limited memory; and has been known
to be rather slow in learning new applications.

You might consider buying additional software to enhance
system performance. Personally, I recommend Hot Food 4.0,
Single-Malt Scotch 5.0 supported by Black Satin Lingerie 6.0,
which have been credited with improved hardware performance.



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